How many times has this happened to you?
Relative: Honey, you look so thin! And this shirt, you've worn it to threads!
You: Uh, I'm really all right. You don't have to worry–really! When was the last time you saw...
Relative: No, no, no! Here (pulls out cash from billfold). Take this and make me happy.
You: Oh, no, really–that's not necessary. I'm doing just fi...
Relative: Will you please stop being so difficult? Just... (forces bills into hand)
You: (Quiet resignation)
Now, I'm not poor, but I'm by no means rich. I keep a positive balance sheet, but I won't lie–it's often a tightrope walk. Breaking even often turns on an artfully crafted deduction. And inferior goods are a way of life. But, to be honest, I'd derive more utility turning down that money than taking it. At least, that'd be the math in a world free of guilt. My non-acceptance would end up buying me something: pride, a sense of responsibility, my relative's own fixed income not being squeezed another dollar. And how do I know this? I'd pay my relatives not to offer–if they'd throw in saving me guilt.
I am intimately familiar with the above scenerio, and I'm thoroughly convinced that the aggressive bestowal of cash gifts is a (usually unconscious) political maneuver--to attain or maintain a higher rank in the social pecking order than the donee.
ReplyDeleteI've found that there are two ways to respond to this situation: 1) Accept the money, and the subordinate position that comes with it, or 2) Figuratively growling and bristling, FIGHT.
Maybe I'm generalizing from my own experience.